But how? Still
wanting to justify myself—how could He have told
me and I not have heard?
"I told
you by the life I lived. I told you by the death I died.
And, if you keep your eyes on Me, you will see more!"
They
Fled From The Light
We were moving
again. We had left the seedy streets and bars, and were
now standing on the edge of a wide flat plain. Now,
I could see no physical man or woman. The plain was
crowded, even jammed with hordes of ghostly discarnate
beings. And they were the most frustrated, the angriest,
the most completely miserable beings I had ever laid
eyes on.
"Lord Jesus!"
I cried. "Where are we?"
At first I thought
we were looking at some great battlefield—everywhere
people were locked in what looked like fights to the
death, writhing, punching, gouging. And then I noticed
that no one was apparently being injured!
Although they
appeared to be literally on top of each other, it was
as though each man was boxing the air—having no
substance, they could not actually touch one another.
They could not kill, though they clearly wanted to,
because their intended victims were already dead, and
so they hurled themselves at each other in a frenzy
of impotent rage.
Up to this moment
the misery I had watched consisted in being chained
to the physical world of which we were no longer a part.
Now I saw that there were other kinds of chains. These
creatures seemed locked into habits of mind and emotion—into
hatred, lust, destructive thought-patterns.
Even more hideous
than the bites and kicks they exchanged, were the sexual
abuses many were performing in feverish pantomime. Perversions
I had never dreamed of.
Whatever anyone
thought, however fleetingly, was instantly apparent
to all around him, more completely than words could
have expressed it, faster than sound waves could have
carried it. And the thoughts most frequently communicated
had to do with the superior knowledge, or abilities,
or background of the thinker.
"I told
you so!"
"I always
knew!"
"Didn’t
I warn you!"
These were shrieked
into the echoing air over and over. With a feeling of
sick familiarity I recognized my own thinking—the
righteous one, the award-winner, the churchgoer. At
age 20 I hadn’t yet developed any truly chaining
physical habits, but in these yelps of envy and wounded
self-importance I heard myself all too well.
What was it going
to be like. I thought with sudden panic, to live forever
where my most private thoughts were not private at all?
No disguising them, no covering them up, no way to pretend
I was anything but what I actually was. How unbearable.
Unless, of course, everyone around me had the same kind
of thoughts.
Once again, however,
no condemnation came from the Presence at my side, only
a compassion for these unhappy creatures that was breaking
His heart. Clearly this was not His Will that any one
of them should be in this place.
Then—what
was keeping them here?
Why didn’t
each one just get up and leave?
They couldn’t
actually hold onto their victims. There were no fences.
Nothing prevented them from simply going off. Unless,
there was a kind of consolation in finding others as
loathsome as one’s self, even if all we could
do was hurl our venom at each other.
Perhaps this was
the explanation for this hideous plain. Perhaps each
creature here had sought out the company of others as
pride-and-hate-filled as himself, until together they
formed this society of the damned. Perhaps it was not
Jesus who had abandoned them, but they who had fled
from the Light that showed them their darkness.
Gradually I was
becoming aware that there was something else, that entire
unhappy plain was hovered over by Beings seemingly made
of Light.
I could see that
these immense presences were bending over the little
creatures on the plain. Were these bright beings angels?
Could it
be that each of these substance-less others, wretched
and unworthy like me was also in His presence?
In the realm where
space and time no longer followed any rules I knew,
could He be standing with each of them as He was with
me?
I clearly saw
that not one of these bickering beings on the plain
had been abandoned. They were being attended, watched
over, ministered to, and not one of them knew it. There
was no pause in the stream of rancor coming from their
hearts—their eyes sought only some nearby figure
to humiliate.
It would have
seemed to me impossible not to be aware of the most
striking features of that whole landscape—the
huge beings made of light. In fact, now that I had become
aware of these bright presences, I realized with bewilderment
that I’d been seeing them all along.
Angels had crowded
the living cities and towns we had visited—they
had been present in the street, the factories, the homes,
even in that raucous bar. And suddenly I realized that
there was a common denominator to all these scenes so
far:
It was the failure
to see Jesus.
Whether it was
a physical appetite, an earthly concern, or an absorption
with self, whatever got in the way of His Light, created
the separation.
We were moving
again. First He had shown me a hellish realm, filled
with beings trapped in some form of self-attention.
Now behind, beyond, through all this I began to perceive
a whole new realm!
Enormous buildings
stood in a beautiful sunny park that reminded me somewhat
of a well-planned university. We seemed suddenly to
have entered an altogether different dimension. Here
was an all-pervading peace.
The atmosphere
of the place was like some tremendous study center,
humming with the excitement of great discovery. Everyone
seemed caught up in some all-engrossing activity.
Not many words
were exchanged, rather an aloofness of total concentration.
Whatever else these people might be, they appeared utterly
and supremely self-forgetful, absorbed in some vast
purpose beyond themselves.
"What are
they doing, Jesus?" I asked.
Though I sensed
that every activity on this mighty campus had its source
in God, no explanation lighted my mind. What was communicated,
as before, was love: compassion for my ignorance, understanding
that encompassed all my non-understanding.
And something
more, in spite of His obvious delight in the beings
around us, I sensed that even this was not the ultimate,
that He had far greater things to show me if only I
could see.
And suddenly I
wondered if it was the same thing missing in the lower
realm.
Were these
selfless, seeking creatures also failing in some degrees
to see Jesus?
Or
perhaps, to see Him for Himself?
Bits and hints
of Him they surely had, obviously it was the truth they
were so single-mindedly pursuing, but what if even a
thirst for truth could distract from the Truth Himself,
standing here in their midst while they searched for
Him in books and test tubes.
Keep
Your Eyes On Me
With
a start I noticed that we were moving—we seemed
to be high above the earth, speeding together toward
a distant pinprick of light.
The
distant pinprick resolved itself into a large city
where the streets were impossibly crowded. Just below
us two men bore down on the same section of sidewalk
and then simply passed through each other.
It
was the same inside the factories and office buildings—there
were too many people at the machines and desks.
In
one room a man was sitting in an armchair dictating
a letter onto a rotating cylinder. Standing behind
him, not an inch away, another man kept snatching
repeatedly at the speaking tube. "No" he
was saying, "Why did you send Bill on that job?"
On and on he went, correcting, giving orders, while
the man in the chair appeared neither to see nor hear
him.
I
noticed this phenomenon repeatedly, people unaware
of others right beside them. I saw a women asking
another for a cigarette, begging her in fact, as though
she wanted it more than anything in the world. But
the other one, chatting with her friends, ignored
her. Clearly these individuals were in the same predicament
I myself was in—like me, they were without physical
bodies.
I
watched one woman following a man down the street.
She seemed very much alive, agitated and tearful,
except that the man to whom she was addressing her
emphatic words was oblivious to her existence. "You’re
not getting enough sleep. Marjorie makes too many
demands on you. You should never have married a women
who thinks only of herself." I gathered that
she was his mother.
How
long had she been following him this way?
Was
this what death was like—to be permanently invisible
to the living, yet permanently wrapped up in their
affairs?
"Lay
not up for yourselves treasures on earth. For where
your treasure is, there will your heart will be also."
Those
words of Jesus sprang into my mind. Perhaps these
people, although they could no longer contact the
earth, still had their hearts there.
"Keep
your eyes on Me," Jesus had told me.
And
when I did, the terror vanished. Without Him before
me, in fact, I could not have endured the things He
was showing me.
As
fast as thought we traveled from city to city, seemingly
on the familiar earth, except for the thousands of
non-physical beings.
In
one house a man followed another from room to room.
"I’m sorry, pa!" he kept saying. "I
didn’t know what it would do to Mama."
Endlessly, over and over, to ears that could not hear.
Several
times we paused before similar scenes. A boy trailing
a teenaged girl through the corridors of a school.
"I'm sorry, Nancy!" A middle-aged woman
begging a Grey-haired man to forgive her.
At
this point, the Light drew me inside a dingy bar and
grill—a crowd of people lined the bar three
deep. Though a few were drinking beer, I noticed a
number of the men standing at the bar seemed unable
to lift their drinks to their lips.
Over
and over I watched them clutch at their glasses, hands
passing through the solid tumblers. Suppose they had
developed a dependence on alcohol that went beyond
the physical. That became mental—spiritual,
even.
What
if hell was remaining on earth but never being able
to make contact with it. That would be hell indeed.
But
if this was hell, why was He here beside me? For He
was overwhelmingly the chief impression of the journey.
Why did my heart leap for joy each time I turned to
Him?
Whichever
way I looked, He remained the real focus of my attention.
And
that was another of the things baffling me. If I could
see Him, why couldn’t everyone else?
He
was too bright for physical eyes to look at—that
I had realized right away. But surely the living people
we passed could sense the love streaming out to them
like heat from a mighty fire!
And
these others, the ones like me who no longer had physical
eyes, how could they help but see the burning love
and compassion in their midst?
How
could they miss someone closer, more brilliant than
the noonday sun?
Unless...Could
these others see Him now too, if their attention was
not all caught up in the physical world they had lost?
"Where
your heart is..." Maybe whenever our center of
attention was on anything else, we could block out
even Him!
They
Had Been Changed Into His Very Likeness
He
remained every moment the real focus of my attention.
Which is why, perhaps, I was not aware of the precise
moment when we left the surface of the earth. Until
now, I had had the impression that we were traveling
upon the earth itself.
Even
the "higher plane" of deep thoughts and learning,
was obviously not far from the physical plane where
bodiless beings were still bound toa solid world.
Now,
however, we seemed to have left the earth behind. Instead,
we appeared to be in an immense void—except
that I had always thought of that as a firghtening word,
and this was not. Some unnamable promise seemed to vibrate
through that vast emptiness. And then I saw, infinitelyfar
off—far
too distant to see with any kind of sight I know of—a
city.
A
glowing, seemingly endless city, bright enough to be
seen over all the unimaginable distance between. The
brightness seemed to shine from the very walls and streets
of this place, and from beings within it. In fact, the
city and everything in it seemed to be made of light.
Could
these radiant beings, I wondered, amazed, be those who
had indeed kept Jesus the focus of their lives?
Was
I seeing at last ones who had looked for Him in everything—looked
so well and so closely that they had been changed into
His very likeness?
I
knew that my imperfect sight could not sustain more
than an instant's glimpse of this real, this ultimate
heaven.
He
had shown me all he could, now we were speeding far
away. The Light of Jesus had entered my life and filled
it completely, and the idea of being separated from
Him was more than I could bear.
I
felt consciousness slipping from me. My mind began to
blur. I could feel myself back in my body.
I
opened my body's eyes.